Splotcherbloops, or some kind of Scotcheroo?

I like to bake things and sometimes people will have suggestions for me on what I should make. Sometimes I listen, sometimes I don’t. Someone suggested I make scotcheroos, and I was like, lame. Those sound boring. Then I went to a pastry shop and saw scotcheroos loaded with a bunch of stuff, and I thought, I could do better.

So I made crisp rice squares, put raw cookie dough chunks in them, sandwiched it between hazelnut spread, and put a bunch of chocolate on it.

Aw yeah look at this, yum. You wanna eat this, right? Maybe make it to impress that tall model lookin’ chick at work you like? Well I got you covered, I’ll show you how.

Oh yeah look at the insides.

And the side sides.

Anyway, so let’s figure out how we’re gonna make it. There’s a lot going on in these, and it’s gonna take a while. You’re going to need a lot of surface space, and time. Be ready to be patient, and have a lot of cleanup to do.

The most logical steps to making it are to do the cookie dough first, separate that into small uncooked balls of dough, then set it aside in the fridge. Lay out a couple of sheet pans or baking sheets lined with parchment paper (greasing it is suggested), and start preparing the crisp rice squares. Then when it’s time, add the balls of dough. After that you’re going to transfer it to your sheet pans and flatten it out with a uniform thickness in your pans. After which cut it into uniform squares, sandwich them together with hazelnut spread, and again, let them cool. Prep your chocolate for dipping/drizzling, prep an area for dripping/drizzling (you’re going to make a mess), then drip/drizzle, cool. Tah-dah.

That’s a lot going on, but let’s break it down into steps;

Let’s gather what we need for the crisp rice squares, and the cookie dough. Keep in mind this will make about 20 of these, I tend to make a lot of things for sharing. We use the metric system so we can easily adjust portion sizes and because it’s sensible and logical, unlike feet and inches which is complete arbitrary nonsense. ANU, Arbitrary Nonsense Units.

Cookie dough first:
Grab a couple bowls, and get your mixing utensils or tools ready.
Flour: 250g
Baking Soda: 2g
Salt: 1g
Butter: 170g
Brown Sugar: 220g
One egg, and one egg yolk
Vanilla extract: 10g
Chocolate chips: 180g

Same ol’ deal with cookies, just don’t bake them. Mix the wet together, mix the dry together, add them together, add chocolate chips hey presto. Want more chocolate chips? Add more. Want white chocolate chips instead? Go for it? Both, and more? Do you, man. After you make them, let them cool, then make them into wee little dough balls, a little less than 1cm across. Set these aside, put them in the fridge, and start on the crisp rice squares:

Crisp rice squares:
Grab a couple of sheet pans or baking sheets or whatever you call them. Ones with right angles are best, this recipe filled up two that were 30cm x 45cm. In herp-derp units that’s 11.8 of the inch ones and 1.41 of the foots. Oh wait you don’t do decimals, so I dunno. A foot by a foot and one half foot? If it’s your measurement system, you figure it out. The rest of us have already figured out what we’re doing, and we can easily convert it to different ratios.

Anyway, line the baking sheets with parchment paper, and apply some sort of food lubricant to the bottom. I’ll put the pan in the oven on a low temperature with the parchment paper in it and smear a thin layer of shortening on it, this makes it a lot easier to get off. You can use a spray coating, or butter if you’d like. I also advise some parchment overhang on the sides to help you get it off. Onward to the ingredients. Oh yeah, and after you’ve prepped all of that, make some space for the baking sheets to transfer the crisp rice mix onto, and make sure you have a place to put the cookie dough balls when you transfer them in.

Marshmallow Creme: 360g
Butter: 60g
Crisp rice: 150g

Get a big bowl and put the crisp rice in there, then start the creme part. Get a pot, and I melt the butter first, then add in the creme. There are other opinions on this, I’m sure one is more right but both yield largely similar results Do this on a low bordering on medium heat, but be aware of your stovetop and what’s low-medium-hot for it. Think about the same temperature you’d use to keep water at about 85-90c. Once the butter’s all melty, start mixing in the cream. Mix till it’s congealed fully with the butter. This is going be a sticky mess, by the way. This is very messy. The result is going to be a sticky viscous mess. Incorporate the butter fully into the creme, until you see the sticky mess I witnessed.

Okay so bad news. This bit is gonna suck. This next step, when your hot sticky mess of butter and marshmallow creme is mixed together and stirs easily, it’s time to mix it in with the crisp rice and cookie dough balls. With how quickly this stuff cools, and how quickly you have to transfer it to the sheet pans, there’s no winning. You’re going to be working fast and clumsily. This stuff doesn’t really work in a stand mixer either, ’cause it’s so sticky. Your options are: Mix the cookie dough in with the crisp rice first, which I think can result in clumping, or mix the creme, crisp rice, and cookie dough in at the same time. This is easier with help, you mix while someone else tosses the cookie dough balls in, but doing it solo get ready to panic and work fast. Either way, mix it well with a spatula, and transfer it into you pans.

When you put it into your pans, you’re going to want to even it out. I used a rolling pin over the top to flatten it, but this was a bad idea, as it cooled so fast it started sticking real bad. I used a wooden rolling pin, I bet a non-wooden one would work real well. When it started sticking, I did a bit of panicking and sort of mushed it in with my hands. It worked, but it wasn’t the most even. Real sorry my advice is “this step sucks, prepare for it”. So uh, after you’ve figured out how to make them a uniform thickness, let them cool in the fridge and take a breather.

Okay another lame step; cutting these in a uniform fashion. I use parchment paper that has a grid on it, and cut based on there. A quick search on Amazon will save you a lot of pain. Get a square pastry cutter. Don’t be like me. If you have to be like me, be patient, and if you have a T-ruler and a pizza cutter, that works well, too. Make ’em into squares of the same shape and size, ’cause we’re gonna mush ’em together with hazelnut spread, but after you cut them let them cool! Put them in the fridge and go watch an episode of your favorite 22 minute show. When you come back, sandwich them together. I┬ájust used a spoon and sort of plorped it on there and spread it around. Use an amount you see fit, but keep in mind it does have a very strong flavor, and if you use too much it could overpower the rest of it. After you’ve gotten them all sandwiched together, back into the fridge, and it’s time to coat them in chocolate.

First step before prep is prepping to prep. You’re going to need a surface onto which you can put your squares after they’ve been dipped in chocolate, I suggest something easily cleanable, or laying down parchment paper or foil on baking sheets. Make sure it’s something you can easily transport, ’cause these are going to be making a few stops to the fridge for cooling. This is going to be really messy, so also consider taping up some foil around the walls where you’ll be applying the chocolate. This will save you cleanup later, I promise.

So I used three kinds of chocolate. You don’t have to, but if you saw the girl I was trying to impress oh man you’d be like use four kinds, don’t stop there. Making melting or dressing chocolate or whatever it’s called is pretty simple. Melt it however you please, double boiler, sautee pan that fits neatly on a pot. Dedicated chocolate melter, whatever you have. Follow the simple ratio of 10% shortening to whatever amount of chocolate. To coat 30 of these, I really don’t know how much chocolate I used because I generally always have chocolate ready to melt, I’d say 400g is a good bet, so like 360g of chocolate chips and 40g of shortening. As it’s add more or less of either on how thin or thick it looks. Always remember to stir, keep water away, and don’t burn it! Get your double boiler to a boil, then wind it down to about 85c, and add or take off heat from there. For these I melted the chocolate in a sautee pan seated on top a pot of water near a boil, and just gave ’em a quick dip on either side, then set it aside. After I was done, into the fridge they went, and I repeated the process for the white chocolate sides.

I added a butterscotch drizzle, and if you want to do the same, know that butterscotch melts differently than chocolate, at a slightly cooler temperature, and needs less shortening than chocolate. After it was melted, I dipped a fork in it, and shook it over the tops of my squares. Repeat until done, into the fridge,, bugger off for 30 minutes, and boy that was a lot of work, but they’re pretty tasty.


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